#77 – How Questions Can Soften Anger

Welcome to season eight of Presently Engaged with Mandy Pallock. Here you’ll find short, friendly, Jesus-focused encouragement to live intentionally right where you are. And now for your host, Mandy Pallock. You know that I love a good question.

Asking questions and listening well can take every relationship you have deeper. In this season, we are diving deep into questions in Scripture because as we look to the Bible, we look to the very best source. We will then end the podcast with a Scripture reading anchoring us in the truth of God’s word before you go on with your day. This will give us the opportunity to center our minds on Jesus and our hearts on his word because lives will change as we engage with God’s word.

I wonder if you could help me with something. Would you consider texting this podcast right now to a friend or to someone that you’re mentoring? Listen in and then join me at PresentlyEngaged.com. I am so grateful for your time and glad that you are here because you friend are making a difference.

What do you do when the thing God asks you to do ends in the exact outcome you feared but worse? Or how do you handle the feelings of confusion or frustration or even anger when you bump into them? That’s Jonah. He obeys the city of repentance and instead of joy, his heart boils.

Today, we’re going to sit with that raw, honest moment and let God’s question, do you do well to be angry? Ask us what’s in our own hearts. I’m Mandy Pallock. Welcome to PresentlyEngaged.

You probably know Jonah as that famous prickly prophet, the man who ran the other way from God’s call and then got furious when God showed mercy to his enemies. If you haven’t read the true tale or want a refresher, Jonah is four chapters of wild, honest storytelling, a prophet who bolts a storm at sea three days in the belly of a great fish, a reluctant sermon in a pagan city, and an ending that leaves you uncomfortably face to face with God’s compassion. Here’s the heart of the story. God keeps asking questions.

God keeps inviting. God keeps redeeming. God keeps asking questions, not to shame Jonah or me or you or to compare him to more obedient and responsive fellow prophets, but to peel back the layers of his thinking and reveal where his heart is closed off to God’s mercy. That’s the careful kind way God invites Jonah and us into a wider understanding of what God’s love means.

A prophet is someone simply who speaks the message God gives. Jonah’s assignment was painfully clear, travel about 600 miles to Nineveh, a city Jonah considered his enemy, and pronounce that their wickedness would be judged. Instead of heading east, Jonah heads west to Joppa and buys a ticket going as far away as he can. He’s headed to Tarshish.

A storm threatens to sink the ship and the sailors, and when Jonah is finally thrown overboard, God rescues him in an unexpected way. He sends a giant fish to swallow him. Three days later, the fish spits Jonah out on dry land, practically at Nineveh’s doorstep, and in that moment you might expect Jonah to be grateful or energized or ready to celebrate God’s rescue and the chance to obey. Finally obeying God’s directions, Jonah travels across Nineveh with a straightforward declaration.

We find it in Jonah 3-4, yet 40 days and Nineveh shall be overthrown. Jonah delivers his curt warning. The city humbles itself and God relents. And in response, Jonah is furious.

You might think that a citywide turnaround like Nineveh’s would have this prophet throwing a party, writing home with missionary updates about God’s mercy and power. Instead, Jonah simmered with anger. He agreed with God about the city’s wickedness, and he couldn’t understand why they received mercy. This man that God had just rescued begrudgingly watched God’s rescuing other people, these other people that Jonah considered his enemies.

And this is where God’s gentle searching questions begin to do their work. When Jonah sulks outside the city waiting for its destruction, God asks him a simple question in Jonah chapter 4. Let’s pick up in verse 1. But to Jonah, this seemed very wrong, and he became angry.

He prayed to the Lord, isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home, that this, that is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, Lord, take away my life, or it is better for me to die than to live. But the Lord replied, is it right for you to be angry?

God simply asks, do you do well to be angry? Is it right for you to be angry? That question is not a sermon. It’s an invitation to look inward.

God wants Jonah to consider why he’s so upset, and if it’s right, and if it’s good. As Jonah broods, God gives him a very small kindness. A plant grows overnight and shades Jonah. Jonah is delighted.

Finally, something that brings him comfort. But then God appoints a worm to eat the plant, and a hot wind makes Jonah miserable again. Once more, God asks, do you do well to be angry for the plant? Is it right for you to be angry?

And Jonah replies bluntly and honestly, yes, I’m angry enough to die. There’s raw honesty in Jonah’s reply. I respect it. I see it.

I feel it sometimes. His response is not smug. It’s not cleaned up. It’s real.

And that’s part of what makes the book so applicable and instructive. God doesn’t demand a prettier answer. He’s safe. He simply asks questions that allow truth to surface.

And the whole episode with the plant is an object lesson. Jonah cared for a plant he didn’t plant and care for. And he mourned its loss, yet he couldn’t see the mass of life, 120,000 people and also much cattle whom God was merciful toward. God uses this plant to widen Jonah’s vision.

If Jonah cares for a plant he didn’t grow, should not God care for a whole city he loved and made? And the book ends with a question remaining in the air. We don’t get a tidy conversion narrative from Jonah. We don’t get an altercule response to this wayward prophet.

Instead, we get his honest, bruised testimony recorded for the rest of us. And the only reply we’re given from Jonah is the account of Jonah himself, most likely written down by Jonah and preserved by the Holy Spirit. And this narrative he hands over to us, raw, honest, unvarnished about his own failures, his anger, and God’s questions. It serves as his answer to God’s probing.

And that open ending, it’s a gift. It’s an honest mirror held up to our own stubbornness. And the open ended questions God asks us, and we can ask too. I see Jonah’s stubbornness in myself more often than I’d like to admit.

God pursued me and rescued me and gave me words to speak. And there are times I would rather judge others than participate in the messy work of mercy. I can be quick to be offended for myself but slow to be outraged for the suffering of others. Far too often, I find myself avoiding the discomfort of speaking up and instead sitting in my comfortable place where I’m even judging those I disagree with instead.

As I read the book of Jonah, I hear God ask me that same question, do you do well to be angry? Is it right to be angry? It’s a question that cuts straight to motives. God’s questions to Jonah are not a one time interrogation.

They are a patient, persistent conversation. God keeps asking, giving his grumpy profit moment after moment to see people and life from God’s perspective. That same pattern can be our pattern. Gentle, patient, open ended questions that invite those that we are mentoring, those we are discipling, those we are spending time with.

They invite reflection rather than provokes shame. They reveal, they soften, and often they expand our hearts. So here’s a takeaway. Questions are not merely intellectual exercises, they are tools God uses to pull us out of our self protective narratives and into compassion, into relationship, and into mercy.

The plant, the worm, the wind in Jonah, these are concrete reminders that God’s kindness can be small and inquisitive and still be used to expose what’s in our hearts. When God asks you, do you do well to be angry? Or when you read it in the book of Jonah, let it be an invitation to name what’s really there. There’s no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

And then to let the mercy of Jesus reshape you. What strikes me is God’s method. He doesn’t begin with rebuke or argument. He asks a question.

And by asking God creates space for Jonah to examine his own motives. Jonah’s anger isn’t about justice. It’s about his own wounded pride, his preference for judgment over mercy when it comes to his own enemies. And God’s question, do you do well to be angry?

It’s an invitation to self examination. It’s like a mirror reflecting Jonah’s heart. You care more about a quick easy justice than about my compassion. And when we face anger or resentment, God’s question can do the same for us.

Instead of justifying my own bitterness, I can ask, Lord, do I do well to be angry? Am I living with your love or am I insisting on my own way? Is there a bias, a prejudice, an injustice that I’m harboring in my own heart that I should replace with your love? Would you replace that with your love?

Those questions, they have the power to dismantle bias where our own agenda trumps God’s heart in our own lives. Notice how honest Jonah is. He doesn’t hide behind pious platitudes. He doesn’t dress up his feelings.

He says, it is right for me to be angry. I wish I were dead. And that raw transparency, it becomes a part of his testimony. God’s question brings to light the unvarnished truth of our hearts, our reality, and where we’re coming from.

Jonah’s story reminds us God’s grace extends not just to the penitent, but even to the reluctant prophets. God’s question reveal our true self so that he can lead us into deeper compassion, his compassion. And finally, the object lesson of that plant. God provides shade and then he removes it.

And he asks again, do you do well to be angry about this plant? And Jonah had no part in planting it or watering it, yet he mourned for its loss. How much more God asks, should he care for a city of 120,000 souls? What does God care for?

And what is he inviting us to care for? What is God inviting you to care for in the life that he’s placed you in? God’s questions are relentless, but they’re always rooted in love, and they uncover our blind spots so we can see others through his eyes. So how do we bring Jonah’s inner protest into our daily experience?

We can notice our anger triggers. The next time you feel resentment or indignation, pause, ask yourself or whisper to God, Lord, do I do well to be angry? Do I do well here? Is this what you want?

And let that question sink in. Don’t rush to justification or not. Let God’s question guide you back to mercy. Ask him that question.

He’s a safe person and has a response for you. We can extend compassion where it’s hardest. Think of someone you struggle to love, someone you find it easy to judge and simple to write off. And when you notice that bias, let God’s question echo in your heart.

Do you do well to be angry about this person? Do you do well to be angry about this type of person? Do you do well to be angry about this other that is different than you? Allow it to shift your perspective.

Prayerfully ask God to cultivate compassion in your heart, even for those you disagree with. Questions can unlock grace conversations when anger flares between you and someone else, a spouse, a friend, a co-worker, a child. You can pause and ask together, Lord, do we do well to be angry? Are we doing well here?

Where can we shift to align to your perspective? When we bring that prayer to God, he’s faithful to answer it. This shared question creates space for honesty and vulnerability and ultimately reconciliation. And we can stop and notice the specifics of what we learn as we look to God’s questions to Jonah.

Questions cultivate deeper thinking and questions stimulate that self-examination. So this week, I want to dare you to do one small practice. When you notice anger toward someone or frustration, pause and ask, do I do well to be angry? And then trigger that response and springboard it into one small compassionate thing.

A prayer, a blessing, a text message, an act of service. See what God does with that tiny obedience that he’s inviting you into? He changes the heart tempo in many steps. To close, we’ll center ourselves again in God’s word.

In Matthew 8, listen for five different questions, each one giving a moment to pause, to evaluate, to consider how we interact with others and what we value. Let’s listen together for those questions and evaluation prompts as we read and learn from the very best source, Jesus himself. This is the word of the Lord. When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him.

A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean. Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. I am willing, he said, be clean. Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.

Then Jesus said to him, see that you don’t tell anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded as a testimony to them. When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him asking for help. Lord, he said, my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly. Jesus said to him, shall I come and heal him?

The centurion replied, Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof, but just say the word and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, go and he goes and that one come and he comes. I say to my servant, do this and he does it.

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. I say to you, that many will come from the east and the west and will take their places at the feast of with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside into the darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then Jesus said to the centurion, go, let it be done just as you believed it would.

And his servant was healed at that moment. When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother in long line in bed with a fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her and she got up and began to wait on him. When evening came, many who were demon possessed were brought to him and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick.

This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah he took up our infirmities and bore our diseases. When Jesus saw that crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, teacher, I will follow you wherever you go. Jesus replied, foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the son of man has no place to lay his head.

Another disciple said to him, Lord, first let me go and bury my father. But Jesus told him, follow me and let the dead bury their own dead. Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake so that the waves swept over the boat.

But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him saying, Lord, save us. We’re going to drown. He replied, you of little faith, why are you so afraid?

Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, what kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him. When he arrived at the other side in the region of the gatherings, two demon possessed men coming from the tombs met him.

They were so violent that no one could pass that way. What do you want with us, son of God? They shouted, have you come here to torture us before the appointed time? Some distance from them, a large herd of pigs was feeding.

The demons begged Jesus, if you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs. He said to them, go. So they came out and went into the pigs and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. Those tending the pigs ran off, went into town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon possessed men.

Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus and when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region. God’s word is for you, friend. Can you imagine not being able to read it or listen to it in your own heart language, the language that you think in, dream in and speak in? Biblical is a global ministry innovating new ways to reach people with the Bible.

My husband, Peter and I have supported their work for almost 10 years and we’d like to invite you to join us. Biblical’s mission is to end gospel poverty wherever it is found. So as your heart was blessed by today’s reading of God’s word, please visit biblical.com to support translating and distributing the Bible in someone else’s heart language. God’s word and people are the two things from this world we take into eternity.

Together, we can provide the Bible in accurate contemporary translations and formats so that Bible-less people experience the word of God in a language they understand. Two dollars delivers a Bible to a waiting community. How might God include your family in translating God’s word, delivering Bibles to frontline churches and sharing the love of Jesus? Send truth, hope and God’s word at biblical.com.

And now, as we conclude, a blessing for you from 1 Thessalonians 3, 12 through 13. May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as mine does for you. May he strengthen your heart so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all His holy ones.